Whenever I fought with my elder sister, which we did quite
often when we were young, my Deota would intervene and addressing to her and
pointing to me he would say “First tote kar bhonti?” (Whose younger sister is
she, first of all?) and then addressing to me he would ask the same question
“First tote kar baideo?” (Whose elder sister is she first of all?) and the two
of us would say “mur” (mine) in unison.
However, this story is not about my elder sister but about
one of my cousins- from the maternal side. Bina. Yes, that’s my cousin’s name.
Almost all my cousins are quite older than me barring only a few. Bina baideo,
as I called her, was more than 20 years older than me. So, I never knew her
well due to our age gap. Not well enough, to write a few lines on her.
She was my Jethi’s (maternal aunt’s) eldest daughter. The
same aunt bore 6 more children after Bina baideo. Three more girls and three
boys- all who were younger than her. I remember meeting her in my other cousin
brothers and sisters marriage and other family gatherings and festivals. I
never knew why she never got married until Ma told me about her one day.
When Bina baideo was young she had an affair with a boy but
my Jetha (Baina baideo’s father) never allowed the two to get married. The boy
later married another girl and went ahead in life. But Bina baideo didn’t. She
decided to stay single.
I wonder how she took that decision never to marry in life,
to always remain single, never to know what love of a husband and one’s own
child(ren) is. Perhaps she could never feel the warmth of an embrace or the
passion in kissing one’s beloved, what it is to feel the sweat when two bodies
meet. What it is to call one’s own house a home. That void always remained in
her throughout her life.
In her later years, Bina baideo took care of her ailing
mother after Jetha (my uncle) passed away. She worked as an anganwadi worker in
Hajo, not very far from her parent’s house where she lived. Things took a
different turn after Jethi (my aunt) too died. I got the news over the phone
from Ma who called to inform me that her eldest sister- my Jethi was no more.
This was in 2008.
After I returned from Delhi in 2011, I saw Bina baideo twice or
thrice (between 2011 and 2015). Whenever I accompanied my mother to her
ancestral home in Hajo, I always ensured that we dropped by at Bina baideo’s place.
The house I visited so many times in my childhood days began to fall apart. The
last time I went there the mud walls appeared slightly tilted and the roof was
on the verge of collapse. The house resembled her condition.
When I saw her in 2012 or 2013 she looked lonely and depressed.
All her siblings, except one stayed all across Assam. Perhaps they were all
busy in their own world, with their own families. One or two may have kept in touch
with her providing her with the daily provisions. A time came when she totally stopped
cooking for herself. It is then that her neighbours who also were her distant
relatives provided her with the regular meals. Later she also stopped going to
school from where she was withdrawing Rs 3000/ per month.
A few months back my mother and I again went to Hajo. The
place is famous to the Hindus, Muslims and the Buddhists. It has the sacred
Hargriv Madhab Debalay, Kedar Madir, Kameswar Mandir and Pua Mecca. I have
heard from Ma that when she was young she saw Buddhists pilgrims from Bhutan
coming down to Hajo to offer their prayers to Hargriv Madhab Temple. But
now-a-days, they have altogether stopped. Perhaps it was due to the insurgency
problem that plagued Assam in the last 2-3 decades or there could be some other
reasons.
When I went to the verandah and peeped inside Bina baideo’s
house I was in for a shock. The place stinked, there was cobweb all around.
More than the condition of the house it was her state that troubled me. Her
hair was all matted and she was all skin and bones. She was a diabetic and the pangs
of loneliness were visible in her face. Every time my Ma and I went there we
only offered her money, money so that she can at least eat something, so that
it sustains her living. But this time I silently prayed to God to take her away
soon, for I didn’t want Bina baideo to continue living like this in such a
pathetic state. She had the means to make a good living but she never tried on
her own. I wanted this to be the last time that I saw her, alive. I never knew
God would listen to my prayers so soon. Today, on the eve of Christmas, God
took her closer to Him. I didn’t cry when I heard the news from another cousin.
I didn’t even pray for her soul to rest in peace. What I prayed is to give Bina
baideo a better life in her next birth, if ever there is one.
Meanwhile, all the relatives rush in to her house to pay
their last respect. Bina baideo lived alone and died alone.
