Nothing could be as rejuvenating for me as a long walk, a walk when my thought process reaches the climax. Every man is a loser at one point of time in their life yet there’s something that keeps the wheel of life moving.
I lost my husband more than 2 years back. Until his death, I have never encountered death at a close range. I lost even my belongings while shifting from Gurgaon to Guwahati and my 2 pet cats. Perhaps God wanted me to grow stronger with each loss.
I have tried to erase my horrendous past but it is thoughts which keep hitting my mind time and again. I try to be as cheerful as possible lest nobody knows the trauma I have gone through. I have observed in some people that the mental scar is visible even in their face. I try to find out in the mirror if I also look like them, with the mental agony engraved in my face.
The other day I had walked down from my mother’s home in Rukmini Nagar in Dispur to my office in Ganeshguri. I had only 1 winter jacket, that too a light one, a gift from my friend Pooja from Gurgaon. I was financially broke and felt ashamed of asking money from my Ma at this age. I knew I had to get another winter jacket to keep me safe from the cold. With my first salary I thought I would spend a part of it on a noble cause. As I reached Ganeshguri, I stopped at a shop which displayed ‘discount’ and I went straight in. I got not one but two winter garments- one jacket and a sweater.
As I was nearing the Ganeshguri flyover and crossing the foot-path I think I saw a beggar with his leg missing. Without even turning for once I took out a coin from my wallet and was about to throw it in his begging bowl when I realized he didn’t had any. I had the coin in my hand and to my embarrassment I didn’t know how best to hide my faux pas. I saw trinkets and rings in neat rows placed above an old cloth. I saw a copper ring and asked him how much it cost. I only wear the wedding ring- a small and simple ring which Arunabh and I got from South Extension market in New Delhi before our wedding. I knew I will never wear the copper ring, there’s plenty in my Ma’s jewellery box which she has collected from her travels across Assam.
I was still wondering what to buy from him to cover my embarrassment, when I saw a horseshoe. A horseshoe is considered to bring good luck to a home if it placed (2 ends facing upwards) in the entrance of the house. I was happy to have seen it in this man’s stall and gladly purchased it for Rs 50.
The person may be physically- handicapped but he didn’t beg for a living. I salute him for his strong determination, for living a life of dignity. He reminded me of another person- a book seller in MG Road of Bangalore who didn’t have hands but who still sold books in the open in the busy MG Road.
I could have got the copper ring instead of shelling out Rs 50 at the time when I was in dire straits. Deep in my mind I knew that someday good luck will come knocking at my door and when it does I will think about the man without his leg.
